The Fox and the Clown
by Lacey Barbed Wire
Summary: Molly Mills is a seventeen year old girl who spots a strange blue hole while walking to her hotel from New York Comic-Con and sticks her head in it, because she's dumb like that. It sucks her inside and drops in the middle of a random, large village where she meets a young blonde boy with a strangely familiar name.
1. Chapter 1

I was walking towards the subway station, trying to get to my hotel before it got too dark. In retrospect I'd probably stayed out too late, but in my defense it was the New York Comic-Con! The odds of me getting to go again in this decade was slim to none. I shivered, wishing I'd brought a coat. Unfortunately, I'd decided against it, reasoning that it would clash with my outfit. I'd decided to go with Harley Quinn's New 52 look. Her costume in the New Suicide Squad series to be specific. I'd gone all out, painting my skin white and growing out and dyeing my hair so I wouldn't need a wig, and I'd even made a giant mallet like the one she had in Assault on Arkham. It was a bit of a pain to lug around, but I'd grown used to the weight.

As I walked down the street I noticed something odd-a bright blue light in the side of a building. Curious, I stepped inside the alley. If I got mugged, well, that's what the giant mallet was for. I blinked as I saw a large round hole that opened up into a bright blue sky. Surprised, I stuck my head into the hole to look around. For a second, nothing happened. Then there was a sharp sucking motion and I was yanked through the hole, which, unfortunately, resulted in me falling ten feet before landing head first on the stone ground and promptly falling unconscious.

...

In retrospect, sticking my head through some random, possibly magical hole in the side of a building had probably been a bad idea.

I woke up some time later. I'm not sure exactly how long, but it couldn't have been too long because the sky was still bright and I was still upside down, my legs propped up against the side of a building. If I'd been like that for hours, somebody would have noticed, right?

I let out a groan and slowly rolled over, trying to get back on my feet. Once that had been accomplished I looked around, trying to get a sense of my surroundings. The roads were dirt, oddly enough, and the buildings looked vaguely not American, though I couldn't put a name to what they were. Judging by the few shop signs I could see I was probably somewhere Asian, though it was entirely possible that the weird squiggles were simply a result of my subconscious. I think I remembered hearing that you couldn't read things in dreams, so that would explain a lot. Because this had to be a dream. After all, magic portals weren't real. If they were, then that'd mean is never see my friends again. I'd never see my dau...I firmly shook my head. No, definitely a dream. It had to be.

As I looked around I noticed a small blonde kid getting chased into an alley by two men. I scowled. It was one thing to see a kid getting picked on by other kids. My experiences in elementary and high school had taught me that that was normal and nobody who wasn't directly involved was going to care unless bones got broken. (Middle school had been fairly peaceful oddly enough.) But adults? Yeah, I wasn't going to let that slide. And when one of them raised a fist to hit the kid? That was when I snapped.

"Hey creep!" I yelled, rushing towards them with my mallet raised. "Pick on someone your own age!" The two men barely had time to react before I hit the first man in the head. For the first time I was really glad I'd went with a solid metal mallet. It had taken me two months of solid weight training to be able to lift the damn thing, let alone swing it around, but it was paying off now. The first man dropped to the ground. There was a second's pause, then his friend ran at me. I swung the mallet low, hitting him in the gut, then Spartan kicked him in the head. As I stood there, looking down at the two men, a wave of confusion washed over me and I shook my head. Where had that come from? I'd never gotten in a fight before, that was what my friend Sara was for. And yet I'd rushed in like a maniac to help out some random kid. Must have been maternal instinct.

"Hey kid, you ok?" I asked, looking down at the blonde boy. Strangely enough, he had six whisker like marks on his face, three on each cheek. His eyes were bright blue, and his hair was surprisingly spiky. I frowned as he just continued to stare up at me, but then I face palmed. I was still in costume, which meant that the poor boy had just been chased into an alley by two much larger adults, then 'saved' by a crazy clown lady. He'd be having nightmares about this for months.

"That was awesome!" The boy yelled, startling me. I looked at him. It seemed he could bounce back pretty quick. "You must be some kind of super ninja!" That made me raise an eyebrow. Super ninja? Hardly. Crazy sexy clown was more like it.

"You see a lot of ninjas running around looking like me?" I demanded, setting the mallet's head on the ground and leaning on the handle. He screwed up his face in concentration, making him look like a confused puppy. It was adorable.

"No..." He admitted slowly. "But you're really strong, so you must be a ninja!" Then he gave me a suspicious look. "Unless you're a vampire. Are you a vampire?"

"Wh...what?" I spluttered. "Why would you think I'm a vampire?" He shrugged.

"I've never seen anybody else as pale as you. And vampires are really pale." I winced and hoped that he wouldn't run into any albinos any time soon with that attitude.

"Kid it's just body paint, see?" I licked my finger and ran it over my arm, but the makeup didn't come off. I paused, then started rubbing harder, but it still wasn't coming off. After a solid minute did nothing I gave up, staring at my arm. "Well that's upsetting." I muttered numbly. Something occurred to me. "Oh, please don't let the mask be fused to my face." I moaned. Fortunately, it wasn't. "Hey kid, what color is the skin around my eyes?" I asked, shoving the mask into a pouch on my left thigh.

"The same as the rest of you, why?" I let out another moan.

"Stupid magic hole. I like Harley Quinn. I like dressing up like her. That doesn't mean I want to be her!" I sighed, then looked at the boy. "What's your name kid?"

"Naruto Uzamaki." He said. I held out a hand.

"Molly Mills." Naruto, huh. That name seemed vaguely familiar. I tried to place it, then shrugged it off. Oh well, it probably wasn't important. Whatever I was thinking of probably had nothing to do with the boy in front of me anyway. Naruto looked at me, startled, then tentatively shook my hand.

"So you're not a vampire?"

"Am I burning up in the sun?" I demanded. He looked up at the sky, then at me, and blushed, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head with his eyes closed. Damn but he could be adorable.

"Oh, right, I forgot about that. Heh heh." He chuckled nervously. The man that I'd Spartan kicked groaned slightly and started to move, but I kicked him in the side of the head and he shut up. That seemed to remind Naruto of his original theory. "Well if you're not a vampire than that means you're a super ninja!" I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. Why wasn't he getting the clown thing? Maybe I'd have understood if I'd gone as Injustice Harley since she didn't look too much like a clown, and it wasn't as blatant as Classic Harley, but still!

"Kid, have you really never seen a clown before?" I demanded. He gave me a confused look that answered my question for me. I just sighed. "I'm not a ninja, I'm not a vampire, I'm just a very stupid seventeen year old girl with an excessive sense of curiosity."

"But...you beat up those guys like it was nothing!" He protested.

"Because it was nothing." I told him, rolling my eyes. "Those two couldn't fight worth crap." I paused, looking at the two men speculatively, and nudged one with my foot. When he didn't respond I shrugged and crouched down, rifling through his pockets.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"Looting." I told him simply. "When you beat somebody up after they attack you you should always go through their pockets to see if they have anything good on them." That was video game logic, but since this was a dream I didn't mind telling the kid about the joys of looting.

"Really?"

"Of course. Just make sure they're really unconscious first. For idiots like these you just need to nudge them. But for real tough guys, kick them in the balls or stab them in the heart. Either way works." I was such a good role model. Frankie would be proud.

Fifteen minutes later I'd gotten a decent sized amount of cash from the two guys. I had no idea what it was worth, since I couldn't read, but whatever. Money was money. "Monies get." I said happily, putting the money in my pouch before frowning again. Where had that come from? Must have hit my head harder than I thought. I looked around, nodded, and picked the mallet up again, resting it on my shoulder. "Well, I'd better get going. Bye Naruto." I said, turning around. Nobody else had shown up to try and attack Naruto, so I'd concluded that this wasn't an often occurrence and that he'd probably get home safely. He wouldn't be walking around by himself if it was too dangerous after all.

"Wait, where are you going?" Naruto demanded. I shrugged.

"No clue. But I just beat up two guys, so I should leave before their friends show up. Besides, I want to see how big this world is. No way I'm wasting a dream like this staying in one place."

"...Can I come with you?" I looked down at him in surprise.

"Don't you have parents to get back to?" He shook his head sadly, and I winced. I'd seen that look of pain before, and I could tell it wasn't faked. "Orphanage?"

"They kicked me out." That brought out a flash of rage. I paused, thinking it over. I was about to go wander around this world aimlessly until I woke up, because this HAD to be a dream. There was no plan, no gear or preparation, just me, my mallet, and an undetermined amount of money. So, I smiled at Naruto and said,

"Sure, you can come along."

...

In retrospect, trying to walk out of a military village with an eight year old boy while still looking like a crazy clown lady was a bad idea.

Author's Notes

Thanks for reading guys! I hoped you liked it! Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

I shifted uncomfortably as I looked around the Hokage's office. "Does it mean something?" I asked. I'd always has impulse control issues, it comes with having ADD, Aspergers, and Depression all at once, and besides, this was a dream so I might as well find out what was up with my subconscious. The old man behind the desk blinked.

"Does what mean something?"

"Hokage. It doesn't sound that cool, so does it mean something?"

"It means Fire Shadow." He said slowly, looking at me as though he wasn't sure if I was serious or not. I frowned in confusion.

"But...fires don't have shadows. So, doesn't that mean that you're saying you don't exist?" He stared at me for a long moment, then decided to get things back on topic. Personally, I was surprised at myself, and a little worried. I didn't talk back at authority figures. Ever. I always tried my best to be quiet and in the background. I had my friends for the flashy stuff. In fact, I'd wanted to go to Comic-Con as Batwoman, but Frankie had insisted on Harley Quinn. I'd tried saying no, but, well, Frankie has really pretty eyes that are impossible to say no to, plus she kept raising the issue while we were...in bed together so eventually I'd caved and started getting ready. The point is, I was a natural sub, and I was starting to act a little out of character. It worried me slightly, but since it was a dream I decided to just shrug it off.

"Why were you attempting to leave with Naruto?" The Hokage asked, jolting me back to reality. I shrugged.

"I didn't feel like sticking around. I bet it's a pretty big world, I wanted to explore it. He asked if he could with me, and once I found out that he didn't have family I said sure." It was simple really, though now that I thought about it it might not have been the best idea. The Hokage stared at me for another long moment.

"This is the only reason?"

"Well, yeah." I said, confused. What other reason would there be? I mean, I suppose there's slavery, but that wouldn't exist in a dream world. He nodded, looking at me, then at my mallet.

"Tell me, why are you dressed like this?" He asked.

"It's a costume." I admitted. "Though the body paint seems stuck. Stupid magic hole." The old man stiffened.

"What was that?" He asked, sounding concerned. I blinked. He wasn't supposed to hear that. Weren't old people supposed to have crappy hearing?

"I, uh, kind of got sucked into a magic hole in the side of a building that dropped me in the middle of the city." I admitted. In all honesty I was a bit of a compulsive liar, but lying while surrounded by people who seemed perfectly willing to kill me was...inadvisable. I had enough experience with nightmares to know that I was perfectly capable of dying in a dream. Though it would wake me up I suppose. To my surprise, the old man paled dramatically.

"Please tell me that your name is not Mary Sue." He pleaded.

"Uh, no. It's Molly Mills. Why?" He began shivering uncontrollably.

"I have heard of this phenomenon once before. A young woman named Mary Sue appeared in our world and began bending reality to her whims. It took the combined might of Hashirama Senju, Tobirama Senju, and Madara Uchiha to merely knock her unconscious. To this day, she is the greatest threat the village has ever faced. Even the Nine Tailed Fox could not compare." I stared at him, worried that the old man was about to have a nervous breakdown.

"Uh, you alright dude?" I asked, concerned.

"The leather pants." He murmured in horror, sounding thoroughly traumatized. "So many men forced into leather pants and a part of her harem." I stared at him.

"Uh, can I go now?" I asked, looking up at one of the men, Ibiki. He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Eventually, maybe." That...was not reassuring.

One hour later

"You know, I kind of feel like I'm cheating on my girlfriend here." I said casually as the woman with purple hair hit me across the stomach. "Admittedly, she usually uses a riding crop or a red leather whip with a bunch of strands, and she aims for different parts of my body, but still." She stared at me, then punched me again. I chuckled. "Seriously. I'm tied up getting hurt by a beautiful woman. I mean, you're not really my type, but the point remains." She sighed.

"You really are a masochist, aren't you?" I shrugged.

"Ish. I mean, I don't get off on being in pain, but I'll admit I don't mind the helpless thing when it's Frankie. Which is kind of ironic considering my past, now that I think about it. And my girlfriend's a total sadist in bed, so it works out for the most part." She seemed curious.

"How does that work anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, how do you have a relationship with someone who smacks you around every night?" I shrugged again.

"It's not every night. We have normal sex too, and sometimes we're just too tired to do anything. But I love her, she loves me, and we worked our way up to clamps and whips."

"Ah, so it's about easing into it?"

"Partly. You've got make sure it's someone who really loves you though, otherwise it's an abusive relationship. And breaks. Taking breaks from the S&M is essential. Otherwise you burn out. Trust is important too." The man, Ibiki, walked into the room with a blonde man.

"Anko, tell me you did not halt an interrogation to talk about sex." Anko glared at him.

"Hey, you try interrogating a masochist that you're not allowed to maim. It's boring and frustrating!"

"You know, I was wondering about that. Why didn't you break out the knives and stuff?" I asked curiously. "Not that I'm complaining, I hate cutting." I added quickly.

"Lack of justification." Ibiki said simply. "We have enough reasons to hold you for questioning, but not enough for extreme methods. Your threat level is relatively low."

"Oh good. Who's he?"

"Inoichi Yamanka. He's a mind reader." I gulped.

"Well crap."

Author's Notes

Thanks for reading guys! Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

The blonde man made some sort of hand sign, aiming at me, then frowned. There was a long moment of silence as the others stared at him. "Uh, Inoichi? Any time now." Anko deadpaned. The blonde man frowned.

"It's not working." He said slowly. "Something's stopping me from connecting with her chakra network." I blinked.

"What network?"

"The chakra network. The network that carries chakra throughout your body." I blinked again, then cocked my head to the side, thinking.

"Is that what let's you people do the swirling leaf teleport thingy?"

"...Yes."

"Ah." I said, nodding my understanding. "Yeah, I don't have one of those." They all stared at me. "C'mon Ibiki, you heard me tell the Hokage. I fell through a Stupid Magic Hole and landed in this place. Nobody has chakra where I'm from." Which raised some interesting questions. If I was going to dream up some fantasy world, why wouldn't I have superpowers? That seemed like a fail on my subconscious' part. And, now that I thought about it, I'd never been a lucid dreamer, so why would I be one now? And weren't lucid dreams also called interactive dreams? Like, dreams you could modify to suit your needs? This certainly wasn't one of those, so did that mean...I shook my head. No. This was a dream. Dreams didn't have to follow set rules, they were dreams. And if this wasn't a dream...I didn't let myself think about that. This was a dream. It had to be.

"I've read the reports." Ibiki said slowly. "Mary Sue could use any type of jutsu, even dust and wood release, had a summoning contract with dragons, and had the Sharingan." At my blank look he sighed. "She had impossible amounts of chakra." I shrugged.

"Maybe she got yanked through by a different type of portal? Or maybe she was from a different world altogether?" Ibiki frowned thoughtfully.

"Both are valid theories, all things considered."

"So...can I go now?" I asked hopefully. He sighed and gestured at Anko, who began unlocking my shackles.

"You might as well. Just don't do anything stupid while you're here."

"Of course not." I said with a nod, grabbing my mallet and walking out.

One hour later

The Hokage stared across his desk at me incredulously. "Again?" I shrugged uncomfortably. "After what happened last time you decided that it would be a good idea to try and take Naruto out of Konoha again."

"He's really good at puppy eyes." I said earnestly. "Seriously, if Salem grows up to be half as good as he is, I'll never..." I clamped my mouth shut and quickly moved my mind elsewhere. "Why exactly is everyone so opposed to me leaving with the homeless, friendless orphan that a lot of adults keep trying to use as a punching bag? It's not like I'm kidnapping the poor kid."

"Naruto is not homeless. He lives in an orphanage."

"Really? Because he told me they kicked him out and told him they'd break his legs if he came back." The old man's left eye twitched slightly.

"It appears that there are some people who have some explaining to do." He said slowly. "However, I cannot allow you to take a young boy out into the world. This world is a dangerous place. If you two came back alive it would be a miracle." I raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. This was a dream. If I died I'd just wake up.

"Fair enough." I said, standing up. "Goodbye sir."

He nodded absently and I walked out.

Two Days Later

"Well, this sucks." I muttered, looking around. In retrospect I really shouldn't have just left Konoha to wander around aimlessly without getting a map or something. For something my mind had pulled out of thin air, this was a really big world. I sighed. "This is why Frankie and Olivia both wanted me to carry around my Ritalin." I paused, then checked my pockets. "Damn." So far my subconscious was failing hard. I didn't have superpowers, and I couldn't just conjure things when I needed them. Plus, I still looked like Harley Quinn. Which was another thing. I really should have gotten myself some new clothes. I let out another sigh, then frowned as I realized that the walls of Konoha were suspiciously close now. "Of course I got lost." I muttered, heading towards the sound of a nearby river. Heaven forbid I not get turned around at least once. As I neared the river, I noticed a shock of impressively bushy white hair. Curious, I walked closer to the hair, which belonged to an older man who was peering through the bushes and giggling. "Dude, what's so funny?" I asked. Instantly he grabbed my ankle, pulling me to the ground, and covered my hand with his mouth.

"Shh! I'm doing research!" He hissed, not looking at me. I followed his gaze to...a group of young women swimming. In bikinis. I blinked once, then twice, then looked away, blushing.

"I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend." I muttered under my breath. Eventually the women left and the man let go of me and stood up.

"Well, that was nice. Pity they had two Hyuga girls guarding the springs though." He mused, stretching. I glared at him.

"Who the hell are you?" I demanded. He grinned at me and made an odd pose.

"I am the great Jiraya, the Toad Sage and the world's greatest Super Pervert!" He declared proudly. Then he noticed my outfit and how much skin it was showing, at which point he promptly collapsed, blood spewing from his nose. I sighed.

"You'd get along great with Frankie." I muttered. My girlfriend had had a similar reaction to the leather pants. Just with less blood.

Author's Notes

Thanks for reading! Please Review!


	4. Chapter 4

I sighed. I'd been forced to cancel my plans to travel based on a lack of ability to read, and my horrible sense of direction. And ninja. Ninja with superpowers. Dying would end this dream, but I wasn't ready for that yet. Plus headaches. I was getting really severe headaches that no amount of aspirin seemed to cute for longer than a couple hours. So I'd returned to Konoha, where Anko promptly kidnapped me because apparently I was the only one she knew who was into S&M and she wanted to know all about it. So I'd been dragged off to the hot springs, which were apparently public baths, because my imagination was weird like that.

We were getting changed, by which I mean we were stripping and I was coming to terms with the fact that my skin was now bleached white, when Anko stopped and started staring at my ass. "Uh, Anko? Would you mind being less blatant about your leering?" I asked, debating about rather or not I should turn around.

"What does that say?" She asked, ignoring my request and pointing at my right cheek. I looked over my shoulder to see that whatever had happened to my skin had not effected my tattoo. It was a deep red heart, with white wings and black writing in it. Writing that I could read. I paused, frowning. Shouldn't I not be able to read that, what with the whole no reading during dreams and everything? Maybe it was because I already knew what it said. Though it was odd that Anko, who'd been made up by my subconscious, couldn't read English.

"Oh, my girlfriend, Frankie, is a tattoo artist. She convinced me to let her give this to me when she opened up her shop."

"That's nice, but what does it say?" I blushed and looked away.

"Property of Frankie." I muttered. Anko stared at me, then burst into laughter.

"You...are the biggest sub ever." She laughed. I nodded and picked up a towel, wrapping it around myself.

"Damn straight." I said as I walked out into the public area, where two other women were already relaxing.

"Molly, this is Tsume, and Kurenai, they're kunochi. Tsume, Kurenai, this is Molly, she's a masochist." I glared at her. "What? It's true!" She said defensively.

"I have other personality traits you know." I snapped before dunking my head under the water. At least I could finally get the dye out of my hair.

Twenty minutes later, half my hair was still blue and the other half was still scarlet. "I hate my life." I groaned, banging my head on the deck as the other women stared at me. Or rather, I hated my subconscious. I knew I should have gone as Batwoman! Admittedly, I'd still be just as pale, and my hair would be an unnatural shade of red, but there wouldn't any blue, but at least I'd be stuck as the biggest badass in all of lesbiandom rather than a pretty awesome clown girl who alternated between being a ditz and a fairly smart woman.

"So, is that masturbating for you, or..." Anko started to ask, but Tsume shoved her head under water before she could finish.

"Thank you Tsume." I muttered in between head pounds.

"Any time." She said with a grin.

Three hours later

I was wandering around, pondering about rather the stares I was getting were because of my clothes, hair, skin, or giant hammer when I bumped into Naruto again. Literally. "Oh hai Naruto." I said with a smile, holding out a hand to help him up. He beamed at me.

"Hey Molly! Where have you been?" I shrugged.

"There and back again." I told him nonchalantly. I frowned. "But I'm stuck here for now. Hey, you wouldn't know where I could stay, would you?" My subconscious was still failing me, as my attempts to imagine Disneyland in the middle of the woods had never succeeded. Or maybe they had and I just couldn't find them. In that case there would be some very confused ninjas when their patrol came across the five Disneylands and two Death Stars I'd tried to dream up. His face scrunched up as he thought, which made me grin. He was adorable.

"Well, there's my apartment building. I'm the only one living in it, so you should be fine." I raised an eyebrow.

"You mean there's a whole apartment building that only has one person in it?" He nodded. I stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. What the hell, I'd go with it. "Sounds good. Mind showing me where it is?"

"Sure, I was going back anyway!" Naruto said with a smile, hefting a large bag of instant ramen.

"You know..." I said ten minutes later as I looked around the apartment next to Naruto's. "If you're the only one living here, and you're not paying rent, you could turn this place into a mansion." Naruto stared at me.

"Really?" He exclaimed. I nodded sagely.

"We just need to knock down a few walls first." I said, walking over to the wall separating his apartment from my new one, hefting my hammer. I grinned at him. "Should I?" He nodded rapidly.

"Do it!" I grinned and swung my hammer.

...

In retrospect, knocking out a wall without first checking to see if said wall was structurally important was a bad idea.

Five hours later

Naruto and I sat across from the Hokage, our heads hanging. He just stared at us. "You were trying to turn the apartment complex Naruto lives in into a mansion." He repeated.

"Yes." I said, nodding. The old man let out a long sigh.

"I see." He said, staring. "So causing the entire structure to collapse in on itself was an accident."

"Uh...yes." He nodded silently. There was a long, long pause, then he pulled out a bottle of sake, a cup, and started drinking.

One hour later

Naruto and I moved into the compound of the Namikaze clan, who were apparently all dead but they had produced the previous Hokage so nobody had moved in out of respect. The old man had tried to take away my hammer, but agreed to let me keep it when I pointed out that it was the only way I had of defending myself. He had, however, made me promise to act like a 'mature, responsible adult'. And to not try and renovate any of the buildings in the compound. And to get a job.

Speaking of a job..."Hey Anko. Do you guys have strip clubs?" The purple haired woman blinked at me as I sat down on the couch across from her. Naruto was asleep, so I didn't feel bad about talking about such things.

"Uh, I don't think so. What is a strip club?" I grinned. Well then, now I knew what I'd do for a job. I'd open up a strip club. I just needed to find some dancers.

"You'll see. Hey, on a completely unrelated note, do you any pretty young women that really need money?"


	5. Chapter 5

"You want a loan." The Hokage said slowly, staring at me. I nodded.

"I have an idea on how to make money. But I'm going to need to buy or rent a building, and get food and drinks, and pay employees, and I'm going to need a startup loan for that."

"Dare I ask what your plan is?"

"I'm going to invent the strip club." I said shortly. He blinked.

"A…strip club?" I nodded again.

"Yes."

"I assume it would be something exceedingly perverted?"

"Completely and utterly."

"I see…request denied." I blinked.

"What?"

"Konoha has decency laws that prevent you from creating such a business." The old man told me frankly.

"Well damn." I muttered. Stupid dream world. "How am I going to make money now?"

"Have you considered becoming a shinobi of Konoha?" The Hokage asked.

"Uh…no. No thank you. I'm not really a fighter. Admittedly I'm in decent shape so I can carry this thing around everywhere," I nudged the oversized mallet with my foot, "But I kind of suck at actual fighting. Trust me, Sara's handed my ass to me enough times for me to know that."

"Training would be considered an ongoing B-Rank mission with the attending paycheck for a mission of such a rank." He told me. I frowned.

"Ok, something's wrong here. Why would you want to help me to that degree?" I asked slowly.

"My motives are largely for the benefit of Konoha and Naruto." The Hokage admitted frankly. "If I could test a theory of mine?"

"Will it hurt?" I asked warily. He shook his head.

"The odds of it hurting you are incredibly small." He reassured me. I sighed.

"Fine, let's get it over with."

"Shikaku, if you could come in now?" A man with two scars on his face, a goatee, and black hair that distinctly reminded me of a pineapple walked into the office. "This is the young woman I discussed with you. I would like you to try the basic Shadow Possession Jutsu on her." Shikaku blinked, then shrugged.

"Sure." A long, snakelike tendril left his shadow, heading for mine. The second it touched my shadow though, it disappeared. The new man frowned, and tried again. After two more failed attempts, he gave up. "What's going on here?" He asked the Hokage, who was leaning back looking thoughtful.

"Molly doesn't have any chakra. This confirms my suspicion that not only does her body not have a chakra network, it _rejects_ chakra. Simply put, any chakra constructs and many water and earth jutus will be useless against you." He continued, shifting his focus to me. "Combined with the fact that your lack of a chakra network makes you immune to genjutsu and most sensory jutsu, and you would make a most useful shinobi. That will be all Shikaku." The pineapple man looked at me for a long moment.

"Tch. Troublesome." He muttered before turning and walking away. I blinked, then looked back at the Hokage.

"You would be the perfect assassin and spy, given the proper amount of training." The old man told me. I blinked.

"Ninja assassin clown, huh?" I mused, then shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Two months later

"I hate you." I groaned, lying in a heap on the ground. Anko grinned.

"Aw, come on! Aren't you a masochist? You should be thanking me for helping you get it off!"

"Hate you." I repeated. "So much."

"Sheesh, two months and you're still only at freshly graduated genin level. You weren't kidding when you said you sucked, where you?" Tsume sweatdropped.

"Anko, you realize that without a chakra system, she's pretty much gone from weaker than your average civilian…"

"Hey!" I protested, though I didn't move to get up. Everything hurt at the moment.

"To genin in two months?" The older woman pointed out. "Quite frankly, if she ever gets to chunin level physical prowess it'll be a miracle."

"Right here you know." I pointed out. "Why is everyone who's supposed to be my friend belittling me? I didn't ask for two replacement Saras."

"Hey, I'm defending you, you ungrateful pup."

"Well, it sure doesn't sound like it." I snapped, slowly sitting up. "I'm going to go home…as soon as I get feeling in my spine again."

"Wimp." Anko laughed as she walked away. I flipped her off, then glared at Tsume, who was holding back laughter.

"Shut up." I groaned, leaning back against the wall and closing my eyes.

One hour later

I opened the door to the Yamanka Flower Shop to find Ino waiting for me. "Here's your flowers Molly-San." The little girl said cheerfully. I grinned and took the pot of still growing poppies from her. I altered what I bought, but I was growing a lot of poppies. Simply put, I needed an equalizer. And while plenty of people had a resistance to poison, nobody seemed to have a resistance to morphine. It wouldn't do to have a resistance to medicine, and because the stuff was so addictive it was supremely difficult to build an immunity to it in the first place. The body didn't want to resist morphine, it wanted more of it. I just needed to figure out a good way to weaponize it.

"Thanks Ino." I said with a smile, handing over the money. "Tell your mom I said hi."

"Ok, I will!" She said cheerfully. I grinned and walked out.


End file.
